I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Randomize
