I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Randomize