yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
