I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Randomize
