nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
