y did u give ur computer a hand job?
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
