I just cut my nipple shaving
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
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