hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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