He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Randomize
