2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
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