you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Randomize
