closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Randomize
