Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Randomize
