Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
I have aggressive nipples.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
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