There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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