I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
