But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
