my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now Heβs Upset Because People Told His Mom
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day ππ#pensacolaproblems
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
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