I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Randomize
