I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
