we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
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