My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
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