textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
