god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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