some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
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