oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Randomize
