There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
You've changed since you got that strap on
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
