I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
Do vagina's smell?
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Randomize
