I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
