I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
