i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Randomize
