My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
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