Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
I am naked and annoyed.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
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