i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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