weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
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