well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Randomize
