i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
Contemplating These 27 Questions Will Make Your Brain Explode
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
25 People Confess The Most Shocking Things They’ve Ever Seen In Public
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.