M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
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