Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
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