oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
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