So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
