either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
