So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
I will pee on everything he values.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Randomize
