I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize