it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
