k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
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