how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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