VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
