It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Randomize
