It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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