I think im going to throw up on grandma
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Randomize
