Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
I stole a fireplace last night.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Randomize
