I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
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