What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
