some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
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