I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
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Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
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yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
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