You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Randomize
