Slut skills are useful in every country.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Randomize
