i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
