So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
