my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
