Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
