Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
A+ Viking dick
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
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