a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Randomize
